P: Today’s Deb-Blog Has Been Brought to You by the Letter D for Divorce and the Letter P for Partnering Is Leading Cause of Divorce, Say Experts
I said just two posts ago, I love men, I just never figured out what to do with one in captivity. (http://wp.me/p5Di3q-61) I’m not cynical about marriage, but I am realistic. Hormones, desires, insecurities, passion, love and genuine liking makes us believe in lasting love, a lasting partnership and friendship. But proximity like familiarity, in truth, often leads to contempt. This coming from a woman whose mom and dad were a perfect match, never argued, lived happily and devotedly to each other until death did they part. I like to believe they are united again.
Please don’t misunderstand me here. I believe happily ever after is real and love can last. I just think too many opposites have been attracted to me and vice versa. I still believe in the good opposites that attract but being a genuinely nice person, I don’t particularly want to date a jerk but someone equally nice and gentle is an equally poor match. Frankly, I love my satisfied single life. And if I ever entertain another relationship, I will approach it slowly and cautiously toward my heart. Time is precious and so am I.
Do yourself a favor and watch this 1982 movie “Best Friends,” with Goldie Hawn, Burt Reynolds and some of the great character actors of all time. I have seen it at least 20 times. It’s that funny and good. It’s a 34-year-old movie and still relevant and hilarious.Truly, every time I find myself in a committed relationship, I live one of the scenes in this movie, whether it’s having to socialize or maneuver sleeping arrangements at a relative’s house or just negotiating the relationship and risking what you have by going for more. Reynolds’ mom, played by the late, great Audra LIndley (aka Mrs. Roper on “Three’s Company”) is frighteningly reminiscent of an ex’s mom. And there’s a little bit of my mom and dad in Hawn’s parents (played by the stunning Jessica Tandy and Barnard Hughes), sans the rifle firing! Hawn’s character is the commitment phobic so I can relate when she says she contends there are three stages to life; you’re born, you get married and you die, so she’d rather avoid the third phase by avoiding the second. You can watch the whole film on YouTube and I can’t find the funniest clips but this trailer gives you an idea:
A few years back when the Supreme Court ruled on the Obergefell V Hodges’ marriage equality case http://www.scotusblog.com/case-files/cases/obergefell-v-hodges/ I heard the joke that why shouldn’t everyone have the right to be a miserable as the rest of us. I couldn’t agree more both with the joke and the right for everyone to marry the one they love. And I still cry when I see same-sex couples marry. It’s so long overdue.
Still, I hate weddings. Please don’t invite me. I hate them. I am so embarrassed for the people in them. I feel the same way about parades. Even as a kid, I couldn’t watch a parade without feeling self-consciousness for those having to walk down the street like soldiers in super shiny uniforms. Mom and Dad caught on early that this was not my deal and happily avoided them. And in weddings, the men have that same look of self-consciousness as parade participants and I only wish the women did, posed in billows of stiff meringue. I don’t want to ruin your day and I will be fighting back the laughter and this inner pity so do not invite me to weddings or showers, for that matter. Right about half-way though the vows, if not sooner, I have silently laid odds of the months for the union to last. Again, I’m not cynical but realistic and prophetic. It just feels like a desperation for attention from society, friends, family and possibly the fiance! Weddings are a profoundly foolish waste of money, ordinarily bad parties, and take attention away from the important thing about partnering – the relationship itself. Maybe it’s a distraction from having to deal with the seriousness of whether the whole marriage thing is a good idea at all. Maybe it’s the commercialism of it all. Besides wasting outrageous amounts of cash, some do it for a financial haul. Hey, how about I plan a big party, you can come as you are but you need to buy me stuff for not getting married? Why do we only validate marriages when 50% of the first ones and 75% of the second and third end in divorce? My singlehood has endured, people. Let’s get a little silver over here for my 25th unwedding anniversary!